Proof that I'm Not as Pathetic As You Thought

After reading the story about when I got my ass kicked by a swan when I was a kid, some of you may think that I have the fighting prowess of Clay Aiken. But…here is a video of a swan kicking an adult’s ass. All things considering, I think I did pretty good in that fight.*Swan Attack - video powered by Metacafe*If you define pretty good as cowering in a corner and crying while a bird beats me

Dinner With David Lynch and a Bush Appointee

My coolest celebrity story is the one where I peed next to Jack Nicholson. (This was in a restroom urinal, otherwise the story would be even cooler). This weekend I added another celebrity story to my catalog. Although this one wasn’t nearly as cool as the other ones (like when Mario Cuomo tried to have me arrested, or when Chris Rock pretended to laugh at one of my jokes). I had a (DC) Celebrity

SUV Attacks Increase

In case you thought I was exaggerating about the need to fortify the defenses on the Ninja Fortress to protect it from attacks by drunken yuppies in SUVs, check out THIS!This SUV plowed into a school that is within striking distance of the fortress. Luckily, those kids were probably cutting class, doing drugs, or engaging in unprotected pre-marital sex and were therefore no where near the school

The Grass Isn't the Only Thing That's Greener

I think I've seen it all now.. Check out this Article: multi millionaires are envious of billionaires. WTF?Now I know why greed is one of the seven deadly sins. Greed is probably the worst of the seven deadly sins--except for gluttony, because it makes you a big fatass. No, I take that back, because with gluttony, you get to enjoy some delicious deep friend food. Maybe some flan, or a peanut

Secuirty Precautions and The Fortress

Hmmmm....I've been thinking that I should park the Ninja Light-Armoured Assault Vehicle (NLAAV) in front of my house, instead of in my rear parking spot. You see, I thought that the bars on the gates and windows made the Ninja Fortress impenetrable. BUT, recent hostile mouse incursions (all intruders were repelled with serious firepower) and THIS news article make me realize that further

Random Thoughts about my House/Mortgage.

Why did my bank just send me a Mortgage Life Insurance Application? My thoughts: A veiled threat on my life? If so, they should know I studied Northern Shaolin Kung Fu for a year and a half from this guy when I was 15, so don’t even try it! why would I possibly care if my mortgage gets paid off or not when I die? If the bank is so worried about their money, let them buy it. in the application,

Ninja News Update: Weekend Movie Edition

In case some of you are looking for something ninja-esque to do this weekend, I figured I would give you a quick heads up. If you'll remember waaaaaay back in one of the first Ninja News segments (that I am too lazy to look up right now) I told you about an independent film maker that made a film about dating, and one fo the stories in it was a ninja that goes on a blind date. Well, it's showing