Friday, 29 December 2006

Guest Post Update

Apparently, Brandon got hooked on guest-posting after my blog and is now doing other guest-posts. I think I feel like the local schoolyard pot dealer now after discovering that my childhood friend who I badgered into trying his first joint is now hooked on heroin. I feel really guilty about it. But then again, I'm Catholic, so if this hadn't happened, I would probably find something else to

Saturday, 23 December 2006

Xmas Guest Post By One Child Left Behind

Since my annual torture ritual at the hands of those who share my genetic material is not yet half over, I am bringing you a guest post by Brandon, formerly of the blog known as "one child left behind". I once described reading his blog as being like having a religious experience that doesn't involve being molested by a priest. Although Brandon has given up blogging, he kindly agreed to do this

Thursday, 21 December 2006

Christmas Break From Blogging.

Okay, I haven’t made much progress lately on my to do list around the fortress, but I’m hoping to kick it into high gear after the new year. I installed most of the baseboard molding upstairs, before I left. Not because I was motivated, but because I got sick of seeing it in my living room and having to step around it. Plus when people come to visit and see it sitting in the same place for

Friday, 15 December 2006

Diesel Me

Well, I just went through a barrage of tests for a health screening and I found out that my body fat is 10.7%. Even though I haven't worked out in over 2 months and I put on about 10 pounds recently, I am still at 10.7% body fat. This doesn't surprise me. Doing construction work makes me storng like, well, like a construction worker. And as many of you know, I studied Northern Eagle Claw Kung Fu

Tuesday, 12 December 2006

Ouch! Stock Thoughts.

Someone asked me recently why I matched the contributions in the charity raffle at the DC Blogger Happy Hour. There were two reasons. 1) Catholic Guilt; and 2) Ninja Stock Picks (tm) have been doing remarkably well over the past 6 months. I was actually up about 22% in the past 6 months on my Ninja investment strategy. So I donated a bunch of money to other charities and I figured the Karma

Saturday, 9 December 2006

Blogger Happy Hour

Well, the Blogger Happy Hour was good. I don’t think as many people showed up as usual because it was freezing out, but all in all it turned out okay. It turns out that I suck at raffles, but the fundraising went okay. The 50/50 raffle was won by some non-bloggers at a table who bought some tickets. In a way, it’s good that a non-blogger won, because if the winner had been a blogger with nice

Tuesday, 5 December 2006

Proof that I'm not a Jerk (as far as you know).

Ninjas have a long tradition of charity. In olden times, if a ninja was going to kill you on your birthday, they would ask you if you had a last request before you die. Many people asked to be spared, some asked for a threesome with double-jointed large-breasted twins, and some asked for flan. After you told them what your last request was, they would tell you to close your eyes and it would

Thursday, 30 November 2006

Proof that I'm Not as Pathetic As You Thought

After reading the story about when I got my ass kicked by a swan when I was a kid, some of you may think that I have the fighting prowess of Clay Aiken. But…here is a video of a swan kicking an adult’s ass. All things considering, I think I did pretty good in that fight.*Swan Attack - video powered by Metacafe*If you define pretty good as cowering in a corner and crying while a bird beats me

Wednesday, 29 November 2006

Dinner With David Lynch and a Bush Appointee

My coolest celebrity story is the one where I peed next to Jack Nicholson. (This was in a restroom urinal, otherwise the story would be even cooler). This weekend I added another celebrity story to my catalog. Although this one wasn’t nearly as cool as the other ones (like when Mario Cuomo tried to have me arrested, or when Chris Rock pretended to laugh at one of my jokes). I had a (DC) Celebrity

Tuesday, 28 November 2006

SUV Attacks Increase

In case you thought I was exaggerating about the need to fortify the defenses on the Ninja Fortress to protect it from attacks by drunken yuppies in SUVs, check out THIS!This SUV plowed into a school that is within striking distance of the fortress. Luckily, those kids were probably cutting class, doing drugs, or engaging in unprotected pre-marital sex and were therefore no where near the school

Tuesday, 21 November 2006

The Grass Isn't the Only Thing That's Greener

I think I've seen it all now.. Check out this Article: multi millionaires are envious of billionaires. WTF?Now I know why greed is one of the seven deadly sins. Greed is probably the worst of the seven deadly sins--except for gluttony, because it makes you a big fatass. No, I take that back, because with gluttony, you get to enjoy some delicious deep friend food. Maybe some flan, or a peanut

Tuesday, 14 November 2006

Secuirty Precautions and The Fortress

Hmmmm....I've been thinking that I should park the Ninja Light-Armoured Assault Vehicle (NLAAV) in front of my house, instead of in my rear parking spot. You see, I thought that the bars on the gates and windows made the Ninja Fortress impenetrable. BUT, recent hostile mouse incursions (all intruders were repelled with serious firepower) and THIS news article make me realize that further

Friday, 3 November 2006

Random Thoughts about my House/Mortgage.

Why did my bank just send me a Mortgage Life Insurance Application? My thoughts: A veiled threat on my life? If so, they should know I studied Northern Shaolin Kung Fu for a year and a half from this guy when I was 15, so don’t even try it! why would I possibly care if my mortgage gets paid off or not when I die? If the bank is so worried about their money, let them buy it. in the application,

Wednesday, 1 November 2006

Ninja News Update: Weekend Movie Edition

In case some of you are looking for something ninja-esque to do this weekend, I figured I would give you a quick heads up. If you'll remember waaaaaay back in one of the first Ninja News segments (that I am too lazy to look up right now) I told you about an independent film maker that made a film about dating, and one fo the stories in it was a ninja that goes on a blind date. Well, it's showing

Thursday, 26 October 2006

The Lost Episodes: Swan Attack

Well, I'm still not sure I'll continue blogging. But this is a post I had sitting in my draft box so I thought you should have it, my internets. It's like one of those lost episodes of The Honeymooners, except that there's no fat protaganist and the post isn't in black and white. _______________________________________________________________________Do you serve swan? Whenever I go to one of

Monday, 25 September 2006

See You Around...Maybe

I think I'm taking a break from Blogging for a while. I’ll decide in a month or two if it will permanent. I have not been myself lately so I think I'm taking a break from blogging for a while. I don't know if it will be permanent like Liberal Banana or The Daily Dump, but I don't want to be one of those people who quits then comes back and claims that he missed you people. I won't miss you...

Thursday, 21 September 2006

The One where I get Visitors from The Midwest

Well, I shoulda’ posted this weeks ago, but I had camera issues. Here’s the story: My old law school roommate’s family came for a visit to DC, so I met them out for dinner. I’m posting the pics on here (and the story) so that they can download the pics if they want them.When I was in law school, I lived with my friend, who we’ll call Tony Twist (because he’s from St. Louis, has a goatee and
Well, I shoulda’ posted this weeks ago, but I had camera issues. Here’s the story: My old law school roommate’s family came for a visit to DC, so I met them out for dinner. I’m posting the pics on here (and the story) so that they can download the pics if they want them.When I was in law school, I lived with my friend, who we’ll call Tony Twist (because he’s from St. Louis, has a goatee and

Tuesday, 19 September 2006

The One Where I Get Ripped Off By Mechanics

Well, I had some problems with the Ninja Lite Armoured Assaust Vehicle (N-LAAV) lately. Because Fridays usually suck for me, something went wrong with my clutch and I had to rent a car for the weekend.A fcucking Ford Taurus.I can’t even begin to catalog the ways a Ford Taurus is inferior to the NLAAV, but I’ll try. The NLAAV is higher up than the Taurus. In an urban combat situation (like running

Thursday, 14 September 2006

Man vs Mouse

I got some pretty impressive snap traps set up. They look lethal and are definintely painful. I know this because I accidentally caught my finger on one as I was setting it up. If these traps will nab someone as smart as me, then that Mouse, won't stand a chance. In case you're wondering if it will avoid the trap due to some unbelievable brain power that it acquired in some top secret government

Wednesday, 13 September 2006

The One Where I Kill My Roommate...Sort of.

There are times when I regret being a nice guy—like yesterday, for instance. My rodent foe had been clever enough to avoid the poisons and glue traps until yesterday. I walked into my place after a night of swing dancing and I saw the li’l bastard stuck to the glue trap. And he was still alive. He was about the size of my thumb and squirmed when he saw me; at times I thought he would break free

Friday, 8 September 2006

Quickie Ninja Stock Pick

I didn't have time to post about this the other day, but the "food and breasts" stock has come out today. Sara Lee, the food company spun off its apparrel division as a separate company: Hanes. The new company includes Champion sweatshirts, Hanes Underwear, Playtex bras, Wonderbra, Barely THere and Just My Size. As part of my "research" I've been asking hot girls I know to email me pics of

Wednesday, 6 September 2006

The One Where I Plumb.

THE ONE WHERE I PLUMBBecause I am a masochist, I will now do a post about plumbing. This will prove to the naysayers that I once in a while, when Catholic Guilt overwhelms me, I do some actual work. Let’s just call a spade a spade and say that the plumbing gods don’t love me. While my little homemade waterfalls were frustrating in the past, now things are different. It sucks to have a river of

Polititcians: STAY OFF MY YARD!!!

The DC Mayoral elections are next week. I’m torn between indifference and laziness about this one. What bugs me most about these elections however, is the annoying habit of these political hacks to put their campaign signs up on your property without your permission. Fenty’s people posted a sign on the ninja fortress lawn (in front of the moat). My imaginary friend had it done to her house

Saturday, 2 September 2006

Ninjas Helping Others

I've been thinking a lot about Karma lately. Was I being punished yesterday for killing the mouse? Why did the universe make me lose my cell phone (only to give it back to me later)? I volunteered recently to head up a big charity fundraiser that will take up a lot of my time over the next few months. It's already shaping up to be a LOT more involved than I thought it would be. At the time,

Friday, 1 September 2006


I Lost My Cell Phone This Morning. Somewhere near the Columbia Heights Metro Station. Probably on 13th Street somewhere between Irving and Harvard. On the off chance that one of the tens of people that read this blog every month finds it, please get in contact with me. My whole life was in that phone. Me without my cell is like a politician without illegal bribes or hookers. HELP!UPDATEI kept

Wednesday, 30 August 2006

The One Where My Friend Comes For A Visit

I have an update on the battle with the mouse situation, but I'll do it in a day or two since I have to upload the picture first. Yes, it's what you think it is. In the meantime...So last week I was lucky enough to get a surprise visitor. My first DC friend Sailor Moon was in town for a deposition. When I say she was my first DC friend, that’s not an exaggeration. We actually met during

Tuesday, 29 August 2006

The One Where I Revive the Ninja News Skits

Since I haven't done Ninja News in a a while I figured this would be a treat. First up, is a film that has to do with powertools, but I'm posting it anwyay. I think is the greatest commercial for Power tools ever made…in the history of mankind. After watching this the first time, I was literally speechless. My mind nearly exploded and as I struggled to cobble together a coherent thought,

Monday, 28 August 2006

Weekend Recap

Well I didn’t get much done this weekend, and by “much” I mean nothing. Still, as far as weekends where you veg out go, it wasn’t so bad. I’ll try to do an actual plumbing post (with pics!) this week as penance. Damn you, Catholic Guilt!I ALMOST did some actual work when, in a fit of perpetual boredom, I called a DC blogger I know and offered to fix her toilet. And, no, that’s not a euphemism for

Saturday, 26 August 2006

The One Where I Pontificate About Home Buying

I saw this article on the Real Estate Market, which I thought was interesting. Except for this part: "High prices are sewing the seeds of their own demise." It's sowing, as in "what ye sow, so shall ye reap." How the hell does someone sew seeds. Moron! Anyway, back to my twisted diatribe.I’ve been saying the housing markets were due for a correction since ’03, but like the tech boom, I

Friday, 25 August 2006

The One Where My Sister Comes to Visit

Since I still hadn’t killed the mouse, I was worried about my sister visiting. I don’t think she bought the story about the little piles of poison I had the kitchen being blue breadcrumbs from some exotic dish I made. My sister’s a bad cook, but not even she will believe that.Still, despite my not being able to kill the ninja mouse, (which I have named “Sho Kosugi”) yet, I thought we should make

Thursday, 24 August 2006

The One Where I Do Some Actual Work For a Change

Well, since my sister was visiting I decided to install some shades in the master bedroom. I know what you’re thinking: You mean you just walk around in your tighty whities without having actual window shades. Yes, I do. Part of the reason that Ninja Fortress is so secure is that burglars are deterred because when they see me in my tighty whities, they are either so intimidated by my musculature

Wednesday, 23 August 2006

The One Where I Get My Driveway Back

When we last left our protagonist, he was about to do something stupid—as usual. For the first part of this story, see yesterday’s post. Since I was furious, I thought (not so) seriously about throwing a giant cinderblock through his windshield and setting his car on fire. Even thinking about it now, makes me happy. But I remembered all the creative comments and the one about the fish really

Tuesday, 22 August 2006

The One Where Starvin' Marvin Blocks My Driveway

Well, I guess that I should fill you in on the episode with the car blocking my driveway. I didn’t do it last week partly because I’m lazy and partly because I can’t even think of it without getting my blood boiling.Now, if you have been reading this blog for a while, you know how sensitive/territorial I am about my driveway. despite all the yelling, there was no danger of a fist fight like there

Friday, 18 August 2006

The One Where I Try to Kill My Roommate

Okay, so I have a fcuking MOUSE in the Impenetrable Fortress. Despite having 3 bedrooms and 2 Baths, this place isn’t big enough for the both of us, so I have decided that he (or she) must die…preferably a slow, painful death so that he tells all his mouse friends that the ninja is not one to be fcuked with!!! It’s bad enough that I have to live in a construction zone, I won’t do it with a

Thursday, 17 August 2006

Just the Facts Ma'am

Much has been said about Senator George Allen’s allegedly racist remarks. Because I hate politicians as much as I hate traffic cops or pedophiles, I’ll give you my (i.e. the correct) take on the situation.FACT: Virginia Senator, and Presidential hopeful, George Allen called a dark-skinned man a “Macaca”, which is a type of monkey.So, at a rally with hundreds of white people, he singles out the

Tuesday, 15 August 2006

Ninja Stock Picks Update

Interesting development. One of my Ninja Stock Picks ™ , Smith & Wesson (SWHC) was just rated by Investors Business Daily as one of the top 10 stocks under $10. I agree with the assessment. I usually only recommend value stocks, not growth stocks, but I made an exception for this one. Smith and Wesson is like the Angelina Jolie of stocks. If you only dated blondes, you still wouldn’t kick

Monday, 14 August 2006

My Dream Job...Or is it?

Well, since the Houston gig a few months ago didn't pan out, I have been thinking about what I would like to do for a living in an ideal world.I mean, besides being married to Judy Greer.One of my not-so secret desires is to get so good at Ninja Stock Picks ™ that I can eventually decide to do it full time. In my fantasy, people with lots of money try to convince me to give up my job as a

Friday, 11 August 2006

Random Real Estate Stuff

Since I don’t have anything substantive to post, I figured I would post a few interesting articles I came across on owning a home or buying/flipping property. I know that people who come here would rather have me tell them what to think than have to think for themselves, but you should really read these articles anyway. That way, if we ever meet at a cocktail party and there’s an awkward silence,

Thursday, 10 August 2006

Speaking of Elections

Speaking of elections: one of my imaginary internet friends, Listen to Leon, has a good shot of winning a Black Weblog Award or two. In case you're wondering, my blog won't win any Black Weblog Awards because1) I'm not black; and2) My blog is crap.I don't know who else I would vote for because1) Most other blogs are crap;2) Unless it's obvious from the blog name, I usually have no idea what color

Wednesday, 9 August 2006


I'm still working on the Investing Ninja Blog, but it's not ready yet. Still, since I said I would keep you imaginary people informed of my movements so you know when to buy or sell, I wanted to let you know that I sold my shares in American Home Mortgage (AHM) today. They were up about 10% from where I bought it at one point, but I had an automatic 6% trailing stop loss (like a booby trap)

Tuesday, 8 August 2006

The Most Important Election in the 20th Century

Well, I heard about this contest for the Hottest DC Journalist. It turns out that the hottie who wrote the article in the Washington Post about me has been nominated. She got taken to task by Wonkette for soliciting votes by email, but I don’t really see any difference between that and the way politicians work the phones before an election. You can vote here.In case you’re wondering which

Sunday, 6 August 2006

Shoes, Washing Machines, and The Man.

So Saturday I went to the mall to take care of some errands. I bought a new washing machine and it's getting delivered this week. The impenetrable fortress will once again be fully operational and able to repel any enemy onlslaught in sparkling clean metrosexual garb. My enemies will tremble at my freshly laundered Diesel jeans. Best Buy was running some kind of promotion where they weren't

Friday, 4 August 2006

I'll Be Back...

They’re building a Target and some other big chain stores in my neighborhood (Columbia Heights). The good news is that it should raise property values in my neighborhood and enable me to laugh all the way to the bank when I eventually sell the fortress. The bad news is that it won’t be finished for another year or two. Since my friend, Sailor Moon, is visiting and my washing machine is still

Wednesday, 2 August 2006

Karma Chameleon

Well, I finally got that effin' car out of my driveway--no thanks to DC's finest. When I called at 6am and they said they would send the next available vehicle, I assumed that between 6 am and 9pm there would be at least 1 cop somewhere in DC that wasn't busy doing something more important (like popping wheelies on their cop bikes or stuffing their faces with doughnuts), but I guess I was wrong.

Tuesday, 1 August 2006


This idiot, behind that tree, (with expired tags) was blocking my driveway this morning. Although I don’t normally drive to work, I’m through with being courteous. So I left a little nastygram on his car saying that if he parked in the driveway, I would have his car towed. Then I called 311 when I got to work to have the cops ticket the car. I might as well put my tax dollars to work.I know

Friday, 28 July 2006

Comcast Still Sux...and Ninja Stock Picks Update

I think I did something pretty stupid the other day. In addition to cancelling my high-speed internet (which doesn’t work!), I cancelled my cable too. Now, I hate Comcast as much as the next guy (assuming the next guy really, really hates Comcast), but now I’m starting to wonder if this was a good idea. I mean, heroin addicts don’t just erase their dealer’s phone number from their speed dial. It’

Thursday, 27 July 2006

A Carport by Any Other Name

Okay, so as promised, here is an actual home improvement project. First some background. If you remember back to the Florida Trip Parts 1, 2 and 3, you’ll remember that my Dad, brother and I decided to buy a couple of houses in Florida, fix them up and flip them. This was one of them.This was a 2BR one bath house with a carport. The plan is to close off the carport and turn it into a 3BR house (

Tuesday, 25 July 2006

DC Cops News...Libertarian Rant

Whenever anyone thinks I am exaggerating about how idiotic, corrupt and ineffective the DC police are, I never have to wait too long to find a story to email them. I'll be the first to admit that in some cities (like NYC) the police are professional, Hard working and actually catch people and arrest them when they do things like kill, rob and rape people. Then there are the cops in DC.

Friday, 21 July 2006

A Tale of Two Nickels.

I’ve been bothering a friend of mine for several weeks about my nickel. Now, you might be thinking “I know there’s a recession, ninjaman, but bugging your friend for weeks over a nickel? Cheapass!” Or you could be thinking “I don’t think the Starbucks baristas like me”. Or possibly “Is it laundry day again? I thought I had at least one more pair of underwear.” But anyway, the reason I want THAT

Tuesday, 18 July 2006

Fight Blog Oppression

So this week has been shaping up to be pretty bad so far.Sucky thing Number One:A fellow blogger, La Petite Anglaise, was fired from her job for blogging. She’s a good writer and I was actually considering starting a new link on the side of my blog called “mad writing skillz” for people like her and Betty on the Beach (who stopped blogging). But I’m too lazy and my HTML skillz are weak.Anyway, La

Sunday, 16 July 2006

As long as my parachute opens...

Alright, so Israel is fighting with Hezbollah and I am really pissed off. Hezbollah?…Who even knew that was a country? I bet you’re wondering what I’m pissed off about. I’m not pissed that the Israelis are fighting the Hezzbolians….err, Hezbollites? Whatever. They could kill each other from here to Sunday for all I care. What I’m upset about is what it’s doing to the financial markets. Why

Friday, 14 July 2006

Rite of Passage.

Well, I’m going to add to my list of mad skillz. It turns out that I have so many of them that sometimes I don’t even know that I have them until I test myself and find out. In that way, mad skillz are like Chlamydia. They exhibit no symptoms until tested.Next week I’ll talk about my newly acquired skillz with concrete cinder blocks and stucco, but this week we’ll be talking about my toy crane

Thursday, 13 July 2006

News Update: Comsast Still Sux.

Well, still no internet. While waiting for the guy on Monday I really seriously considered cancelling everything Comcast offers (including my cable) out of spite if they couldn’t fix it. I decided to watch a full day’s worth of cable programming to see if there is anything on there worth paying for. Here’s what I saw…Maury: This show is actually pretty interesting. I think it picked up the

Tuesday, 11 July 2006

Buy This: Ninja Approved!

So my friend Maggie is selling her apartmetnt in Dupont Circle. (for those of you not from DC, Dupont Circle is DC's equivalent of Greenwhich Village...if DC were anywhere near as cool as NYC). Anyway, she is selling a kick-ass condo that she owns there, which is fully furnished and rented out at $1525 per month. She said the tenant is tall, blonde and good-looking, so any of you single gals

Sunday, 9 July 2006

Die, Comcast, DIE!

Well, the Comcast guy came and still no internet. He came without his laptop so basically he just stared at my computer for a while, went outside to look for the cable that comes into the house, then called to set up yet another appointment for Monday. For those of you keeping count, that will be appointment number 4. Thanks, Comcast. I really appreciate having to take 4 fvcking days off work

Thursday, 6 July 2006

Comcast Still Sux

In other news...Comcast still sux. I made another appotintment with them to come out and fix my internet before I die of sensory deprivation. When I called the phone monkey to set up an appointment, the following exchange happened.Monkey: The tech guy already fixed your internet.Ninja: No. He didn't fix it. He didn't even show. So unless he fixed it telepathicall-Monkey: It says here he showed up

Tuesday, 4 July 2006

Florida: Return of the Ninja

I spent the last few days in Florida. I'll be back in DC in a few hours. I came down here to de-stress by picking fights with my brother and working on one of the houses that we co-bought together. I should have some pics of us closing in the carport this week (if Comcast can get their ass in gear and turn my freakin' internet back on). Lately, I hate flying more than usual. Not as much as I

Sunday, 2 July 2006

Comcast Sux

Well, my internet is still down, thanks to the incompetents at Comcast. They sent a repair guy to fix my cable modem, but since I failed to specify that I wanted someone who actually knew what they were doing, they sent me one that they probably hired from the parking lot of a liquor store. After about an hour of the guy playing around the computer and not knowing which end of it was up, he gave

Wednesday, 28 June 2006

More Parking Nazis.

Okay, so today was a semi-productive day. I still have no internet and am therefore typing this from a super-secret location. So I went to Home Depot (the evil empire) to get some dust masks and a nozzle for my paint gun thingy which is clogged. The nozzle costs $30 bucks and seeing as how it'll probably get clogged again and I'll be out another $30 bucks, we'll stick to rollers and paint brushes

Tuesday, 27 June 2006

Apres Moi, Le Deluge

Okay, so I took a few days off from work in order to get some actual work done at the ninja fortress. Just as my luck would have it, it's been raining nonstop for the past four days. There are three inches of standing water in my driveway; the basement is damp, smells like old people and is kicking my dehumidifier's ass; and I haven't been able to get much done. Plus it's supposed to rain 2-4

Sunday, 25 June 2006

Ninja Stock Picks

In case you're wondering, I'm not done with my spinoff Ninja stock picking blog. But I wanted to give you guys an update. First: An update on an honorary stock-picking Ninja: Warren Buffett. CNN is reporting that Buffett, the world's second richest man is giving away his fortune. Most of it is going to: The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Bill Gates? I'm sorry, but the Home Improvement

Friday, 23 June 2006

Random Fridayness

Well, I got my computer fixed today, hopefully for good. It was acting up worse and worse and I thought it might be something other than software. I tried to erase everything on my Mac to get rid of all traces of LimeWire and hopefully purge the machine of the sins of online music theft, but the machine couldn't find the Harddrive so it was dead. I previously took it to the Apple store in

Thursday, 22 June 2006

Houston, We Have a Problem

A couple of people I know in real life asked me about the Houston job yesterday, and I realized that I hadn't updated you imaginary friends on my situation. I'm sorry to keep you out of the loop. It's not a reflection on our imaginary relationship--really, I mean that--it's just that I have been busy and it slipped my mind. I hope you can all forgive me.So what happened? Well, basically, they

Tuesday, 20 June 2006

Sitemeter: My Internet Crack

I don't think I should've ever installed Sitmeter on my Blog. Now I check it way too often, to see who's visiting and how they got here. Some people get here by asking random home improvement questions like "how do you install a marble saddle". Which reminds me to get that done so I can post about it. Stay tuned you marble saddle people. It turns out my site in number one in google searches for "

Friday, 16 June 2006

Random Friday Thoughts

First of all, to whomever was honking their horn at 5am this morning: I HOPE YOU DIE. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. To Quote the great Klaus Kinksi, "You should be thrown to the crocodiles alive. An anaconda should throttle you slowly. The sting of a deadly spider should paralyze you. your brain should burst from the bite of the most poisonous of all snakes. Panthers shouldn't slit

Thursday, 15 June 2006

Pre-meditated Murder

This weekend, I will kill these two shrubs; A double murder. I know you're thinking that my "garden" looks pretty pathetic. And that I shouldn't be killing the only two living organisms in my garden. Well it took a lot of work to get my garden looking that pathetic. I had too pull out so many giant weeds from that patch of dirt that now it's finally safe for Vietnam vets to walk by my place

Tuesday, 13 June 2006

Ninja Stock Picks.

Well, like most things I do, this experiment started as idle boasting. Johnny Vegas was bragging about how he's winning our bet about the recession and I'll be owing him $65 soon. The subject turned to investing and I mentioned that, if I wanted to, I could start a hedge fund and outperform every index (like the S&P 500 or the Dow) and that there isn't a hedge fund manager or other stock picker

Monday, 12 June 2006

Underpinning Stuff

Okay, I got a couple of questions about "underpinning" in my last post on the Sudanese guy. In case you are wondering what it is and why it upsets me, here is an explanation. Imagine you are standing on a ladder and can't reach something. Your friend comes over and tries to help by shoving a few phone books under the ladder--while you're standing on it. That's what underpinning a house is

Sunday, 11 June 2006

From this day forward...

I am never drinking again. I know that I say that after every hangover, and say that I mean it. But this time I really mean it. I don't know what the hell will happen to all that beer I have in the fridge, but I'm not drinking it. Maybe I'll donate it to the homeless, they seem to like beer. Although I don't know if their pedestrian pallets can really appreciate some of the good belgian stuff

Thursday, 8 June 2006

Another Ninja News Segment.

Okay, It's time for another ninja-news update. Since there are several entire cable channels devoted to home shows, at least two devoted to shopping, and and one for cooking, I'm surprised that no one has spotted a hole in the market and come up with a news channel that reports on ninja news. It could be like CNN, but for ninjas. NNN, the Ninja News Network. Until the whole cable channel

Wednesday, 7 June 2006

Florida Trip: Part 3

Okay, this Part 3 of the Florida Trip. I didn't feel like finishing it, but since I left off in the middle of the story, if I don't finish it people will see me in the street and say "hey, you said you were in lied. Now I can't believe anything I read on your blog...and a little piece of my innocence died just now". Since that would be awkward for both of us, here's some more of the

Monday, 5 June 2006

The Bensonhurst Kid Rides Again

Okay, so I kinda sorta crashed a wedding a little on Saturday. My friend, who we'll call Anthony (cuz that's his name) was in town for a wedding, so I went to pick him up to hang out afterwards. And by "afterwards" I meant I showed up before the reception was over to snag some free booze, deserts and dance with some hotties. Showing up uninvited, drinking your booze and leaving with your women

Friday, 2 June 2006

A Victorian By Any Other Name...

All in all, this has been a pretty crappy week. During a conversation, my Real Estate Broker, Jimmy the Greek, mentioned that my house probably isn't a Victorian. He said it's probably a Federal, whatever that means. A google image search reveals that the ninja fortress does indeed look the untrained eye. In terms unattractiveness, the impenetrable fortress falls somewhere

Thursday, 1 June 2006

Help a Ninja Decorate His Fortress

Okay, I need some input from the non-decoratively challenged. One of the drawbacks that comes from being so macho and studly is that I have poor decoration skillz. (another drawback is that sometimes I'll unintentionally break things with my powerful male arms, just because I don't know my own strength, so being so studly is a mixed blessing). So this weekend I went to Home Depot (the evil empire

Tuesday, 30 May 2006

My 15 Minutes of Fame Becomes 16

Unfortunately, I'm home from work today so I didn't get my copy of The Express today. For those of you outside the DC area, The Express is a small free paper that the Washington Post gives out to commuters outside of the urban hipster metro stations in the hopes that you will be so impressed with their ability to report the news that you will eventually break down and pay $0.35 for a full copy of

Monday, 29 May 2006

White Ninja

Happy Memorial Day. In honor of the bank holiday honoring the numerous war dead, you may now wear white again, at least until Labor Day, when it's time to honor the socialists. I know you're wondering if it's possible to practice ninja stealth while wearing white. I think the key is just to ditch the mask and don a disguise which incorporates seasonal white fabrics, and yet which is

Saturday, 27 May 2006

Welcome Visitor Number 10,000

So I checked my sitemeter and I find out that had received my 10,000th visitor. That's a pretty impressive feat for a site that's about toilets and ninjas. Anyway, I have no idea who this person is, but welcome.Random Facts about the 10,000th visitor.They live in Rockville, Maryland;They use Windows (tm), but have Firefox as their browser;they are the 10,000th visitor.For being the 10,000th

Friday, 26 May 2006

Ninja News....and Save the Internet

Okay, todays edition of ninja news has a lot of video clips. In fact, it's only video clips. I would even go so far as to call it videorific, except that's not really a word. First up is a video of the Ninja commercial for a cell phone. That reminds me that I need to get a camera phone, but I digress. If you click on THIS link, it will take you to worksafe video by my imaginary friends at

Thursday, 25 May 2006


Well, despite the bunch of half-finished posts that I should wrap up, I'm going to discuss something new. The coming recession...maybe. A couple of days ago the news reported that the yield curve on interest rates inverted. You don't have to know what that means, but you should know that it's a bad thing. Do you remember watching Star Trek as a kid and Scotty would tell Kirk that the

Wednesday, 24 May 2006

The Genocide Chronicles, Part 4

Anyway, I promised an update on the Sudanese guy and here it is. If you remember the episodes with the Sudanese guy here, here and here, we had a leeetle problem with him leaving about 40 cubic yards of dirt in a common driveway. I didn't want to narc on him because of the possible bad karma that could come from ratting on a possible genocide survivor. (although I could get worse karma if he's

Monday, 22 May 2006

My New Hero

This guy is my new hero. In case you're wondering whey my new hero is a nigerian cab driver, I'll explain. He goes to the BBC for a job interview and they mistake him for one of the world's top authorities on internet piracy. Rather than correct them, he plays along. The look on his face when he realizes that he is on TV is priceless. Plane Ticket from Nigeria $1450Taxi Cab Licence (note cool

Thursday, 18 May 2006

Weekend Progress and Random Stuff.

Believe it or not, I actually got some stuff done this weekend. I did some mudding, sanding and painting. The scaffold I bought last year came in really handy.I bought this for $100. This is way better than a ladder. I was gonna say it's better like in the way that a Double Stuff is better than a regular Oreo Cookie. But actually, this is so awesome that it's better like Double Stuff is

Monday, 15 May 2006

Dear Arlington Parking Nazis: Suck it!

Well, in case you are wondering what ever happened to the parking ticket I got from the Arlington Parking Nazis, it was dismissed. That's $40 less that the totalitarian government of Arlington Virginia will have to oppress it's citizens. The ninja strikes a blow for freedom! I totally feel like the guy in V for Vendetta now. Except that I fight oppression using my computer and ink jet printer

Sunday, 14 May 2006

Obligatory Mother's Day Post

My Mom doesn't read this blog...actually, she probably doesn't even know what a blog is. But it's apparently customary to say something nice about your Mom on mother's day. I think my Mom is a nice person. Although I'm convinced that both my parents' favorite was my brother, I think she did a better job than my Dad at pretending to love us equally. My brother and I were obsessed with proving

Friday, 12 May 2006

Notebook on Cities and Clothes

In case you were wondering what I was doing in Houston, I was there for a job interview. I won't mention why I'm thinking about leaving my current job because I don't want to get Dooced. But it was interesting being on my first interview in a while. Now that I actually have some marketable skillz it's completely different from when I graduated law school and was looking for work the way a band

Thursday, 11 May 2006

Where Am I?

Clue Number 1: This is the view from my hotel window. I'm staying at the Hyatt, 'cuz that's how I roll, babay!Clue Number 2:This is what the tap water looks like where I am right now. If it's got that many chemicals, drinking it can't be good for you, so I only used it to make coffee. I think I started hallucinating shortly afterwards.I haven't decided what prize the winner will get yet. But

Monday, 8 May 2006

Florida Trip: Part 2

Before you go any further, or farther, you should totally go read Part 1 of this opus otherwise one of the jokes won't make sense. In fact, it's probably the only part of the post that will make you laugh at loud, so should read Part 1 first otherwise when you get to the funny part you'll say something like "what an obscure reference. I've never known the ninja's humor to be so esoteric and

Saturday, 6 May 2006

Driving in Cars With Kennedys

For those of you that don't like my random libertarian rants, stop reading now. You can get your fix of home improvement stuff and ninja news in a couple of days.When my future daughter is old enough to go away to college, I'm going to warn her about the dangers of drinking, sex, and letting a Kennedy drive you home. It's bad enough that sloppy drunk Ted Kennedy killed someone with his drunk

Friday, 5 May 2006

Big Up

Thanks to whoever reads blogs at the Express (the readers digest version of the Washinton Post that they give you for free when you get on the metro at a hipster station). They mentioned my blog twice recently. Once in their online edition HERE.and once in their print edition on Wednesday May 3, 2006. If anyone who's better at computers than me (yes, this means everyone except my grandmother) can

Thursday, 4 May 2006

Interest Rates and the DC Election

Well, I'm still working on Part 2 of the Florida post (I need to add pics). In the meantime, Here's something that's relevant to all homeowners and people who are thinking of buying. It's a music video parody lampooning Ben Bernake (Greenspan's successor). It was dones by some Columbia graduate students and it looks pretty professional. And it's actually pretty funny. In case you're wondering

Tuesday, 2 May 2006

Florida Trip: Part 1

Well, after work on friday I head down to National Airport to fly to florida for the closing on the house I'm buying with my brother and dad to fix up and flip. It's the best (read closest) airport for me to fly out from Plus it's metro accessible. The other airports (BWI and Dulles) have cheaper flights, but they are farther and I gotta' take a cab to get there (one day if I'm bored I'll

Sunday, 30 April 2006

Heads up.

My camera is working again. So I'll have some pics to share soon...including an update on the Sudanese guy with the dirt in my driveway. In other news my computer is freaking out again. It's the same thing that was messed up before, so I gotta' take it back to Apple. Apparently when I prayed and told you-know-who that if my computer survived that I would start going to church again, he

Friday, 28 April 2006

I'm starting to realize how ridiculously disorganized I am. I've decided to get really organized I'm going to have to-do lists for all my stuff on the house and organize all my work stuff into folders...with little labels on everything. I look around the fortress and realize that I'm a slob. There's papers everywhere and I can't find the proper tools when I need them (so I end

Tuesday, 25 April 2006

Gym Haterade

So I started going back to the gym. It's probaby a good stress reliever--I've been more edgy lately and it's causing me to be more acerbic than usual. I figured I need to either vent on my blog or go kick some puppies. So the blog it is. I guess that the weather has been nice for long enough that the usual sheep who crowd the gym after New Years resolutions or when the weather first starts

Monday, 24 April 2006

Even a little progress is good.

Eh' Not much progress this weekend. Lately I've been doing a lot of compund "mud" work so it doesn't lend it'self well to pics. Plus I've been unnecessarilly moody and acerbic lately so I haven't been motivated and getting as much done as I'd like. I'm going to vent on a post in a couple of days, but for now I'm in a pretty good mood because of something that I won't discuss on this blog--

Sunday, 23 April 2006

Strange Work Habits

Wow, yesterday I got a record number of hits at my site because of the Washington Post article. I was secretly hoping for a bazillion hits, but my friend told me that's pretty unrealistic because 1) most people read the WaPo in paper form, not online; and 2) a "bazillion" is not even a real number.Anyway, I bet some of you thought that I was kidding about doing electrical work in my boxer

Friday, 21 April 2006

Welcome Washington Postians...or Postiates!

If you're here today, you probably saw the article on housebloggers in the Washington Post (or the "WaPo" as we pretentious hipsters like to call it). The article also featured my interweb friends, at Nightmare on Elm Street. Be sure to check them out. If you want to read more houseblogs, click on the Houseblogs link on the sidebar.Please feel free to have a look around, check out the archives

Thursday, 20 April 2006

Green Building

I don't believe in "Green Building", "Socially Responsible Investing", "fair trade coffee," "fat-free margarine" or anything else that urban hipsters try to cram down my throat. Sometimes when I say "I don't believe in recycling" someone will challenge me on it and say something like "You don't want to help the environment?" And I'll try to get a rise out them by saying "No! Fcuk the environment

Wednesday, 19 April 2006

Ninja Plumbing: Lesson 1

Since my Libertarian Rant didn't garner the attention I thought It would, I am deleting my planned rant against the 17th Amendment and government oppression and bringing you a plumbing post instead.This post we'll discuss connecting copper to galvanized pipes. And maybe some soldering too, if I feel like it. First off, let me say that I HATE plumbing too. But, it's my least-impressive skill so

Monday, 17 April 2006

Ninja News: Episode 5

Profiling sucks. Stopping and harassing someone because they are black, or because they are dressed in black is just plain wrong. Well todays ninja news is also a mild libertarian rant. It turns out that moronic government thugs with nothing better to do with your tax dollars than beating up a college kid for being dressed up as a ninja were at it recently. You can read about below. Between

Saturday, 15 April 2006


Dammit! One of my bedrooms (the one that is closest to being finished) has no lights. So after doing some electrical detective work to get power to the outlets and switches and make sure I got power going to where I need the light to go, I tried to install the track lighting today.(okay, I don't know what's up with the underlining, just pretend it isn't there). I still didn't buy another camera

Tuesday, 11 April 2006

Libertarian Kool Aid

I mentioned previously that this blog is about my home repairs, random libertarian rants and ninja news. Since a ninja assassin broke my camera when I wasn't looking, and I don't have any ninja news, I guess it's time for a libertarian rant. This might get ugly, so stop reading if you don't like cuss words.Since the immigration rallies have been in the news of late, this will be freakishly

Sunday, 9 April 2006

The MacGuyver Kitchen

Here's the MacGuyver Kitchen story I've been promising to you imaginary internet people. Complete with pics. Does anyone remember that quintessentially '80s show, Macguyver? He was the guy who could fix anything, but only using the most-ridiculously inappropriate improvised parts and tools. He could make a bazooka out of a car muffler, some gas and a dirty rag and use it to stop evil-doeers that

Saturday, 8 April 2006

Weekend Plans

I was planning on catching the Cherry Blossoms again this weekend before they are gone. It looks like rain, so I'll have to rethink that. Luckily, I went last week and here is an obligatory blossom pic for my blog. In case you are wondering, this isn't a professional pic. This is a pic that I took last weekend of the Cherry Blossoms. This raises the question: Is there anything that I am not

Friday, 7 April 2006

Arlington Parking Nazis

Alright, so last week was pretty crappy as far as weeks go. If there was a crapitude scale, it would register pretty high as far as I'm concerned. Things are looking better though so I can finally talk about it without a profanity-laced tirade. There will be some profanity on here, because we're talking about parking nazis, so you might want to take the kiddies out the room for this post.They

Wednesday, 5 April 2006

Coming Soon...

Well, hopefully this week I'll be able to tell you about the Arlington Parking Nazis and I'm going to start working on the floor in the MacGuyver kitchen. I've been a little swamped with paperwork so the repairs/blogging have suffered. The MacGuyver Kitchen needs some explanation, so hopefully I'll finish uploading the pics and then I can explain it properly. In the meantime, if any of you know

Tuesday, 4 April 2006

I Really Need a Digital Camera Phone

Every time I encounter something photo-worthy, I never have a camera around. Since my cell phone contract expired I think I should get a camera phone so that stuff like what happened on saturday will be recorded for posterity. What happened Saturday?Hmmm, well, it's like this. One of the things that you occassionally run into in gentrifying neighborhoods is a colorful local character called a

Saturday, 1 April 2006


Okay, since I have Monday off I'm expecting to get some work done this weekend. In the meantime, I'm trying to find a hardcopy of a big article that the Washington Post wrote about Columbia Heights (the neighborhood where the ninja fortress may or may not be located). For some reason it's not in their online edition, but they said good things about my hood, which means my master plan to sell the

Tuesday, 28 March 2006

Schadenfreude and the Sudanese Guy

Okay, so I got my pics working and here is the update on the sudanese guy. First, some random, but surpisingly relevant thoughts on Germans.Only the Germans could come up with a word like "schadenfreude". For those of you who don't sprechen sie any deutchse, schadenfreude is the joy you get from seeing something bad happen to someone you dislike. You know, when they get their comeupppance.

Friday, 24 March 2006

It's a small world...

So I had lunch the other day with Easy Rider and Rebel Yell. For those keeping score, we ate at Kopitiam, I had the malaysian beef chow fun and an unsweetened Iced Tea, 'cuz that's how I roll, baby. But that's not the point of this story. Easy Rider and Rebel Yell both know about my blog. I lent Easy Rider my miter saw a few weeks ago so he wouldn't have to buy one and he loaned me his circular

Thursday, 23 March 2006

Put Yo' Money Where Yo' Mouth is.

I may be buying another house soon. For those of you keeping track, that's the ninja fortress, plus one I co-own with fat ninja and my dad, plus another one that fat ninja and dad want to buy. Despite my opinions about what may or may not happen to the real estate market in south florida, the house seems like a good deal and I trust my brother's judgment. It's on a double lot and he thinks we

Wednesday, 22 March 2006

Happy Belated St. Pat's

Well, I still can't get iPhoto working on my iMac, but I'll play around with it this weekend. I still owe my imaginary friends a WTF update on the Sudanese guy. If I can't get it working this weekend I'll just tell you what happened (and you won't believe it).I did some electrical work this weekend (and I actually turned off the power first). But there's no pics to show you. For some reason,

Friday, 17 March 2006

Mo' Music Mo' Problems

I have an update on the Sudanese guy, but I can't get my iPhoto working right and I have to post a picture about it because you wouldn't believe me if I told you. You would be like "shut yo' mouth, ninja, you're makin' that up." I don't know why you would talk like that, but in my mind that's how everyone on the internet talks.I'm still having some minor issues with my computer, but when I was

Tuesday, 14 March 2006

Crime Doesn't Pay

Well. my computer is up and running again. Luckily, the Apple people were able to get it working again for free. It turns out that something I downloaded off the internet was messing up my computer. And no, it wasn't p0rn, get your mind out of the gutter. It was Limewire, the thing that people use to steal....errr, borrow music from the interweb. I'll try to describe what happened, but I know so

Saturday, 11 March 2006

Ninja News: Episode 4

Since it's been long enough since the last episodes of Ninja News here, here, and here, I figured it was time for an update.It appears that Ninjas dabble in other things besides home improvement. Here is a great online comic book about a Ninja who practices medicine...when he's not kickin' butt. The guy's name? Dr. McNinja, of course.Here's a cute animated cartoon about a ninja, who may or may

Friday, 10 March 2006

Puttin' the Hood in Neighborhood

This Old House is probably my least favorite show. However, they recently did a show in DC, so I figured I would watch it. They say you learn something new everyday, so when I actually learned two things, I exceeded my quota. Things I learned from watching This Old House DC:Somebody finally wised up and told Bob Villa to get his shinebox and go shine shoes someplace else;how to match old

Tuesday, 7 March 2006


Well, part of the reason that I got little accomplished this weekend was that I had to go to a conference on Friday and Saturday. In case you were wondering, it wasn't a Derivatives Conference. It was a confernce for Securities Dorks. If you don't parctice law and are wondering what the difference is between Derivatives and Securities Lawyers, I'll explain it. Derivatives lawyers are like

Monday, 6 March 2006

More Bubble Talk.

Well, since I can't upload pics until I get a new computer, or fix my old one, it would be pointless to describe the work I did recently. (I can't pat myself on the back properly without picks that confirm how awesome my mighty plumbing skiilz are). But I must say that I am very happy with Lowe's recently. They didn't have every piece in brass that I needed, but they did have most of them and the

Thursday, 2 March 2006

iMac = R.I.P.

Well, it finally happened. My iMac up and died on me. I mean it's been acting up more and more lately, requiring me to re-boot at shorter and shorter intervals, but now it's totally gone. I tried it about a dozen times, but it gets to the screen with the silver Apple Logo and just stays there forever. I guess it's technically not dead then, it's in a coma. Should I try to keep her alive or pull a

Tuesday, 28 February 2006

Yes, We Have No Bananas

I have mentioned before about how much I hate Home Depot. In particular, I hate the Home Depot on Rhode Island avenue in Washington, DC. The other one in Virginia sux compared to Lowes too, but it doesn't suck as badly.Everytime I swear off that place, because of the surly incompetent staff or the fact they never have what I need, I end up going back there because it's closer than Lowe's. This

Saturday, 25 February 2006


The topic of conversation everywhere you go seems to be whether or not there is a housing bubble and if prices will continue to climb or "correct" and by how much. Whenever someone tries to give me their opinion on something like this, no matter how ill-informed they are, I pretend to listen patiently, then I tell them why they are wrong, and they don't believe me. But that's okay. No-one

Thursday, 23 February 2006

Genocide is a Bitch, Man.

Okay, this will probably be anti-climatic, but if you remember here I talked about when I confronted those El Salvadorans that the Sudanese guy hired to make the pile of dirt in his yard bigger and block my driveway further (I think they encouraged the other illegal dumpers for free).So after I confronted them, I took a picture of their license plate and one of them got up in my grill. And

Friday, 17 February 2006

The Weather Gods

Well, I have been waiting for the weather to improve to finish connecting 3 radiators in my placee. Upstairs I need to re-connect one and downstairs I need to re-connect two. This will help the heating situation significantly since the thermostat is in the English Basement and it tends to get hotter in there (where all the radiators are connected) than in the rest of the house. I put off

Tuesday, 14 February 2006

Upping the Ante

In an attempt to distance themselves from disgraced lobbyist/convicted felon Jack Abramhoff, prominent republicans have been going to extraordinary lengths.Many lawmakers have donated his political contributions to charities,Bush initially denied knowing him, then suppressed photos of himself with the criminal.Some prominent Republicans have even introduced lobbying reform legislation to prove

Monday, 13 February 2006

More Ninja News: The Valentine Edition

Sometimes, as far as you know, people say to me: Ninja, why don't you make Ninja News a regular feature on your site, and have regular updates like once a something, man?Here are my thoughts, reduced to word form:There isn't a whole lotta' ninja news, so a regular feature might be difficult (although nothing is impossible for a shadow warrior);"regularly scheduled" ninja news is almost an

Friday, 10 February 2006

I Hate Genocide Too...but...

Ugggh. Here's the dilemma. I have this neighbor who is from the Sudan. Because of where he's from, I can't help thinking that this guy is some kinda' refugee whose survived famine and genocide and ended up buying a run-down house in a gentrifying neighborhood and proceeded to systematically make his house resemble the his former homeland (i.e. a shithole). Actually, the front of his house is very

Wednesday, 8 February 2006

The Antithesis of Suck

I have unintentionally acquired a new hobby. No, it's not stamp collecting, Indian cooking, or poking people on the metro with a stick; it's loading my CDs onto my new iPod.This may not seem like an actual hobby, but it takes up more time and mental energy than the above-mentioned hobbies. I got this beauty for my birthday. It was a gift from the Toolbelt Diva. This was really surprising because

Friday, 3 February 2006

How Much for Your Soul?

My boss paid me an unintended compliment. She saw some some pics of my marble bathroom (I show those pics around the office like most people show baby pics) and asked if I would do some work at her place...for money.This is flattering, but not a good idea for several reasons:My house is only half-finished, so I shouldn't be taking time out from it to do side projects;I do home-improvement like I

Thursday, 2 February 2006

More Ninja News: Film at 11

Okay, I mentioned before that on the odd occassion where there is ninja-related news, even if not related to home improvement, it would be discussed here because the shadow warriors' exploits would not be denied on any site where I have editorial control. If you remember that news article Here about that ninja being evicted from his apartment and fighting the cops (guns vs sword), maybe you have

Wednesday, 1 February 2006

Bad Mojo

As if I didn't have enough problems...I find out that I have bad Feng Shui.I wathced a feng shui video over the weekend and found out that the shape of my rowhouse is bad Feng Shui. I watched the video for the same reason that you get a physical or get tested for a venereal disease. Not because you think something is wrong, but because you want someone to confirm that everything is okay. But my

Monday, 30 January 2006

The Real Fat Ninja

As I was getting dressed this morning, I resolved to go to the gym at least 3x this week. What prompted this rush of workout fervor? No, it's not a New Year's resolution. That's only for communists and Oprah fans. I put on some pants that I haven't worn in a couple of months and they were tight on me. I assumed they shrunk from the uhhh humidity at my place, but my vain metrosexual gene

The Hole Nine Yards...

In a previous post I mentioned that I had a problem with a hole that I cut in the floor to get at a pipe in one of my previous trial-and-error plumbing lessons. So this is how I ended up fixing that big hole in the floor.I started by cutting a groove in the pieces that I needed to take aout with a circular saw. I also drilled a hole on the end so that I wouldn't be cutting too close to the end

Monday, 23 January 2006

Tune in Next Time

Okay, I finally snapped a few pics of the my Crazy Sudanese Neighbor's yard. I'll try to upload them and post about it before I have to turn over my computer to the Apple Care people so they work their Mac Magic on it. It's probably the logic board that's jacked up, which is expensive...grrrrrr. I looked up "logic board" on their website which describes what a logic board problem would look like

Friday, 20 January 2006

I Smell Like Tahiti

Well, to prepare for an important meeting today I did what most crazy people do: I stayed up late watching bad TV and got up early to get a tan.This week has been kinda' stessful because of family drama, realationship drama, house drama and work drama. So I needed to retreat to my Jedi meditation chamber.This thing always makes me feel better. But I have to admit, I can't close the lid on it

Wednesday, 18 January 2006

If I Don't Get This, I Will Never Feel True Happiness

I was at a friend's place recently and I think I saw the coolest piece of furniture ever invented by man (aside from the vibrating recliner with built-in beer cooler). It's this thing right here.I think I mentioned that my Apple iMac is having problems and I may have to decide to get rid of it and buy a laptop instead if it turns out to be too much money to fix. (I think it's the logic board. I

Saturday, 14 January 2006


Okay, I mentioned that my computer skillz are not anything to write home about. I even have trouble working my home computer, which is an Apple. I'm pretty sure they can teach chimps to use Apple Macs right after they have mastered sign language, so I have no idea what that says about me. I have no idea what I did wrong, but my latest post didn't show up on the Houseblogs webfeed thingy. So,

Marble Madness: Part 2 The Emerald City

Well, I almost feel like I shouldn't post this because there has been so much buildup that the reality can't live up to the hype (like The Matrix Part 2). But here here it is.I should mention that whenever I find a really nice bathroom to, ummm, to do my business I usually name it.Examples:the toilet by the law library at school, by the Federal Registers, which no one knew about but me--The

Friday, 13 January 2006

Ninja Mania: Catch the Infection

Okay, I'll try to post some home-improvement pics of the rest of the marble tile tonight or tomorrow. I got most of it done, but the pics are a little screwy because of my computer issues. In the meantime, here is some ninja-related news that might be of interest.This blog was supposed to be mostly about Home Improvement, but if Ninja news comes up, I'll inform you about it. If you don't like

Thursday, 12 January 2006

Does this House Make Me Look Fat?

Well, I usually don't link to other people's posts. Mostly, it's because until just now, I had no idea how to. Yet this bar chart deserves such an honor.I had blamed taking on 15 pounds to stress, chili dogs and lack of exercise, but apparently I put on weight because I bought a bigger house.Since people expand to fill their environment, my cave-gene sought to make me larger so that I would take

Wednesday, 11 January 2006

Marble Madness: Part 1

Okay, here is a pic of what the old bathroom looked like. Before you ask, yes, that door was broken when I bought the place. The place reaaaaaaly looked like crap and needed to be re-done, but the previous owner (PO) didn't think anything was wrong with it and was asking top-dollar for the place because he saw renovated places in the neighborhood selling for a lot of money. Well, smarty, if you

Friday, 6 January 2006

A Prediction?

Okay, I don't make New Year's resolutions...especially by January 1st (I was busy doing flooring; keeping my visiting relatives busy; and perfecting my ulcer). So, I gotta' think of some better word to describe it. Stretch Goal? Target? Maybe a Prediction? hmmmmm.Well, because I don't like to think to far ahead, here are my precidtions for next out more: Johnny Vegas asked if I was

Tuesday, 3 January 2006

I Got Flooring Up the Ying Yang

Here are the pics of the top floor that I've been promising for a while. It took way longer than it should because the contractor that I fired (The Plumbing Monkey) really screwed up the floor. He pulled up a the 1" thick planks in the hall and laid down plywood that was only 1/2" thick. He also didn't level the floor enough. I didn't want to pay him to re-do it because the odds of him being

Victory is Mine!

In case you are wondering why I'm reposting this, it got deleted from my blog (but not by me). ToolBeltDiva informs me that if enough people "flag" your posts, Blogger will automatically pull it. Who knew? Here's the story. Most of the people that usually read this blog are people that I know (my real life friends) and people who read/post on (my imaginary internet friends).* Well,

Monday, 2 January 2006

Traffic Nazis

Well, tomorrow I'll try to post some pics of some more of the work accomplished over the weekend. I could do it now, but I am busy preparing to go to court tomorrow to face the traffic nazis. Here are the top 10, errr, make that 7 reasons why I shouldn't have to pay the ticket: 1) THE LIGHT WAS, really, I mean it. 2) The officer didn't get a good look at the traffic signal