Gay or European? VOTE NOW!!!

One of the greatest games ever to be posted on the internet is Gay or European.Basically, you look at a picture of someone and guess if they are Gay or European. Sounds simple, right? Well, we’re gonna play a ninja version of that game on my blog today. This started with a dispute between Velvet and I over whether a particular, now infamous, sweater is gay or European.Now before we start, I

Kamikaze Vehicle Attacks Increase

Many of you probably think that I’m paranoid about SUVs crashing into the Ninja Fortress. Well, if you think I’m overstating the risk of vehicle attacks, you’re wrong. Just this past week, there have been 3 attacks on buildings in the DC area. One was by an SUV, which destroyed a building and left 7 families homeless:In a surprise move, this SUV struck the gas meter in order to amplify the power

The Mouse Commandos vs. The Home Improvement Ninja

I killed all the mouse commandos that invaded the ninja fortress. It’s been a couple of months since I’ve seen the last of them, so now I can write calmly about the story. I mentioned previously about my mouse problem at the ninja fortress, but never got around to finishing the story. To understand why I hate the mouse intruder (Sho Kosugi) and his band of mouse commandos so much, you’ll need

On Topic Post: Look Before you Leap.

There's a relevant post HERE in the Washington Post about past home improvement ideas that were once very popular, but ended up causing lots of problems (like Asbestos materials and aluminum wiring). Part of the reason that I'm reluctant to accept new innovations is that I fear being an experiment. Asbestos sounds great, but years later they find out it causes incurable cancer...no thanks. So

I'm In Love

I'm in love with DayQuil. THere, I said it. The past week I've been sicker than Dick Cheney's mind, and DayQuil is the only friend that hasn't abandoned me. I've been leaking bodily fluids from every orifice, coughing, sneezing, fever, you name it. But I still had to go to work, and go to my salsa class and breathe on people, so DayQuil was my wingman. I tired other things too this week.

The Boy Who Cried 'Cracka'

Happy MLK Day! Or is it Merry MLK Day? In the spirit of racial healing, I should apologize for calling the people in my last post "cracka' ass crackers". I assumed they were rich white folks who got the city to tear down their neighbor's house because, in addition to being assholes, they were also predjudiced. Well, it turns out that they weren't rich white folks, they were rich black folks.

DC Housing Rant

People are always amazed at the stupidity and wastefulness of DC’s bureaucrats, unless you live here, then you get used to it. I saw this article in the Washington Post about how the city will have to pay $1.5 million to buy a house in a wealthy part of the city and demolish it. Yes, demolish it. It seems DC didn’t follow proper procedures when it approved the plans, so they ended up having to

Christmas Part 2: Santa Becomes My Enemy

My hatred of Santa started when I was 6. I have always thought of him as mean and vengeful. I first met Santa when I was 4. He came to our house dressed in a red suit and handed out some gifts and quickly made his way out the door. I was too nervous to speak to him, but I appreciated the gift. Although he smelled like the same brand of whiskey that my uncle drank (Santa was a Chivas Regal

Damn You, Steve Jobs

I hate you , Steve Jobs. Right after I purchase a new cell phone and sign a 2 year contract, you come out with the world's greatest phone. I have to wait 2 years, which is longer than all my previous romantic relationships, to get my hands on that Apple iPhone? For the next two years I have to stay with that horrible Motorola Razr and it's clumsy menus, when I could've had a phone, iPod, and

DC Corruption: Building Inspectors

Read this article by the Washington Examiner and find out why people hate DC. I’ll summarize: Building inspector slaps a stop-work order on a project (who’s owner is an FBI agent) and seeks a $20,000 bribe to lift it. The FBI agent records the calls and they begin an investigation on the inspector (complete with sworn affidavits and secret wire taps), but his corrupt colleagues still won’t

Christmas Part 1: The Legend of the Santa Ninja

At the risk of almost-certain death, I think I should tell you about the Santa Ninja, and why I hate him, then I’ll tell you about my Christmas. Many people don’t realize that Santa was actually a ninja. He was. He was half-chinese and half-japanese and his name was San-te Takahashi. San-te (which means 3 harmonies in Chinese) was a powerful ninja during the 12th century. Before he learned